Seriously, if you ask a mother when she last slept through the night, she'll pause to think about it, too. But she's only pausing to CALCULATE THE AGE OF HER OLDEST CHILD! That's because she HASN'T SLEPT A WINK SINCE THAT LITTLE STINKER WAS BORN!
Sure, babies can't sleep all through the night. We understand, babies. It's not your fault. But someday you'll grow out of that, right?
Right.
Unless there are thunder storms. Or bumps in the night. Or if it gets too cold. Or too hot. Or if Dad has just been sleeping a little too peacefully. Then they'll be knocking on your door at 3:30am. They'll be thirsty. They'll be scared. They'll be AWAKE. And so will you.
My son has no problem going to sleep in his own room. He just has trouble staying there. About an hour and a half before my alarm goes off, I'll hear a voice from down the hall.
"Daaaaaaaaaad! Oh, Daaaaaaaaaaaad!"
He never calls his mother. He knows I'm easier to manipulate at this hour.
"Yeah, what's up, buddy?"
"Can I come and sleep in your room?"
"Sure, sure," I say. Somehow in my exhaustion I've forgotten how terrible this idea really is.
The kid climbs into our bed and I start drifting off again. Everything is quiet for thirty seconds.
"HEY, DAD?!"
Oh, my dear, sweet Moses. How is this kid so loud?
"What? What?" I ask.
"Did you know that worms don't have eyes?" Jono asks excitedly.
"Yes."
"AND NO NOSES!"
"I know. Go to sleep," I mumble.
"Just one, big mouth."
"Zzzz..." I pretend to be sleeping.
Everything is quiet for another twenty seconds.
"HEY, DAD!" my future opera singer shouts.
"What?!"
"Can we catch some worms?"
I resist the urge to tell him he'll be sleeping with the worms. I slowly coax him back to sleep. I finally get to sleep myself.
Later, I'm awakened by the pleasant sensation of being kicked in the face. Seriously, why is he sleeping upside down now? Why has less pillow space been appropriated for my head than for his feet? The world may never know.
My alarm goes off early. There's work to be done, money to be made, bills to be paid. I'm up and at 'em before the sun comes up.
When it's time to wake the kid up for school, he's sleeping like a rock. I have to shake him and bellow in his ear to get things moving. You see, he's really tired. He's had a rough night.
I've had a rough six years.
